What is healthy?

Yesterday I went to the doctor again to find out the reason why I haven't gotten my period since January. My mom made me go and sat in the doctor's office with me. I knew the reason was because I lost weight but I didn't want to admit it to her. When the nurse took my height and weight I was very embarrassed and ashamed. 5'7" and 97 pounds. It was a big shock for me and my mom looked like she was going to cry. So now I am on birth control for estrogen and have an appointment with a nutritionalist scheduled for next month to see how I can gain weight.

Here I am at the beach about a year and a half ago. At this point, I was involved in swimming and did little workouts out of 17 magazine. I was uncomfortable with my body even though I was considered "healthy". I ate lot's of junk food. Big portions of it. Till I felt sick.

Here I am right now. "Underweight". 

How did I get like this? Lots of things contributed to it.

First of all, in September I decided I wanted to try to run a 5k race that was on Thanksgiving. I trained with my best friend at the gym and outside. We would run and encourage each other. I got in the best shape and was so happy with myself. I ran the race with my cousins, didn't have to stop to walk at all, and got an awesome time! I was so proud of what I accomplished. At this time, I really enjoyed baking and would make goodies all the time and eat way too much but I didn't feel too guilty about it because I was in such good shape.

In late December I went to Florida and purchased a Whole Living magazine at the airport. I have never been an organic tree hugging natural type person but I figured it would be fun to read about natural food because I do love any type of food! There was a new years resolution mind and body month challenge that looked really difficult to keep up with. No gluten, eggs, dairy, sugar, caffeine, peanuts for the first week and then they were gradually added in. Basically it was eating whole natural food that would detoxify your body and clean out all the toxins. I was on board! I thought it would be so cool to flush my body out and have a clean start.

So, with the support of my family I started the plan and ate really well. My mom did it with me for the first 2 days but then couldn't take it anymore. I kept with it the whole time because I was disciplined and...obsessed. I was so hungry but thought that was a good thing. Just eating a piece of fruit for breakfast and lunch and salad for dinner.

After that was over, I still stayed away from processed foods and treats, scrutinizing the ingredients list.

In the spring, I worked two jobs. In a warehouse and salon where I stood, shampooed, and lifted boxes the entire time. And of course I had school too. I would sometimes forget lunch (on purpose sometimes) and go the whole day from 7 AM till 10 PM without food. I got really used to being hungry.

So here I am now. Really confused. I don't know if I have an eating disorder or I'm just being healthy. I don't know what healthy is anymore. I read magazines and they all talk about cutting calories and exercising to lose weight. I really think that they need to find a way to reach out to ALL readers. Including underweight people. Because honestly, the majority of people who buy all the fitness magazines and people who are obsessed with it like me.